


What About You?

by dotpng



Category: Halt and Catch Fire
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 06:55:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10238441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dotpng/pseuds/dotpng
Summary: Three times Donna doesn't cry at COMDEX.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Anonymous asked: hey, could you write a cam x donna fic where donna says 'It’s okay to cry…”? :))

It’s COMDEX 1980, and this dream of theirs is over.

Donna’s locked in the bathroom, heels of her hands pressed to her stinging eyes. Breathe, she reminds herself. In, out. In, out…

From the other side of the door, Gordon knocks, softly. “Hey, Donna, don’t cry,” he says. “There’s always next year.”

But there isn’t, there isn’t, she knows they can’t afford to keep doing this, the kids can’t and she can’t. A few months ago, maybe, she’d told her parents to stop giving them money, and though she’d run the options through her mind over and over and knew it was the only one, the finality of it made her stomach clench. The Symphonic is her baby, too. _Was_ , she corrects herself.

And Gordon- Gordon will always be chasing his dreams, and God knows she had dreams once too but they have kids and a fucking mortgage now, even without worrying about money the strain to keep it all together is inhuman, more than could ever understand. He’s not the one who needs to worry about doctor’s visits for the girls, where they’ll stay when they’re both working, whether or not two kids under four will grow to remember, or even, God forbid, resent them for their absence.

Donna sniffs, wipes her eyes. “I’m fine, Gordon,” she calls. It’s not entirely a lie; she’s made her peace with it. But for better or for worse she’ll always have to be there, to stop him from dragging them all to their ends.

* * *

It’s COMDEX 1984 and from the look on Cam’s face when she finds her in the room, Donna’s pretty sure her thing with Joe is over.

When she sees her standing there at the door Cam freezes a bit, hurriedly wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. “Donna- I-”

“Are you okay?”

“I didn’t see you- when did you-”

Donna kneels down next to where she’s slumped against the wall, pushes a wet strand of hair out of her eyes. “I’m fine,” Cam says, voice wavering. “Really, I’ll be out soon. Just- Don’t look at me like that.”

“Cameron,” she says, “It’s okay to cry,” and as she strokes her cheek and listens to her hiccuping sobs she wonders if she’s pushing the unspoken limits of their relationship a bit too far. To be honest she’s not in the mood to care; she’d been on the verge of crying herself. It’s a day for betrayals, it looks like, from all sides.

It’s strange, seeing her like this, without any emotional armor to shield herself. And it’s Joe, of course, it’s always Joe who does this to her, breaks down her defenses for the sake it, not taking care with what those defenses are protecting. She is far from fragile, of course, she can fend for herself but there is an oblivious cruelty in leaving her like this, alone and exposed, that Donna can’t forgive.

Cameron, unexpectedly, reaches out to her, buries her tear-stained face in Donna’s shirt before she can say a word. She hesitates, settles for just running her fingers through her hair. Words wouldn’t help, right now.

* * *

It’s COMDEX 1990, and Donna is in the middle of a crowd but she has never felt so alone. She watches Cam leave the party (holding hands with _Joe_ , Christ, insidious son of a-), and the dancing crowd closes back up behind her in seconds but from where she stands, motionless, it feels like minutes, hours.

She stands there for another minute until the loudness of the music, the press of the partying guests grows unbearable, and suddenly she's shoving her way out into the darkened hallway, muttering apologies on her way. She leans against the wall, breathes out. When she closes her eyes all she can see is Cam’s face. Her eyes, wide and hurt and accusing and heartbroken.

She should’ve called, she thinks, and then goes back further- She shouldn’t have forced the sale. She shouldn’t have lied. She shouldn’t have let herself lose her.

Donna tilts her head up, blinks, hard, to stop the tears from coming. She will not cry. She will not. This is not the end, she reminds herself. It is only the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Taking requests/suggestions at honestfutures.tumblr.com


End file.
